Love.

I love this time of the year. I really love being able to share this time of the year with my children. It's such a blessing. The anticipation is the best. Christopher asks (almost daily) if Santa is coming tomorrow. I run down the list of the things that we to do before Santa comes....tree, lights, etc... He's so precious.

I need to start brainstorming ways that I can focus on Advent and Jesus' Birth. I cannot stand the thought of my kiddos forgetting the true reason for the season. It's almost time for Barry and Omar (the elves) to show up. I think that they will help with this, this year.

In other news, my 'due date' passed fairly quietly and unnoticed. I think about my 'Natalia' every time I see a new baby... She would be about 2 months old now. I am not really sad, just thinking. I hug my boys tighter and kiss their sweet heads - remembering the feeling of kissing their newborn foreheads - squishy and soft. Paul Vincent proclaimed that we will have a new baby soon. The thought terrifies me, honestly. Fear of the 'what if's' make me want to say I am done.

I think that Rose is holding a place in my heart. She warms my soul, knowing that although we had a loss with a baby that we will only know in heaven, yet we have a little girl that we have yet to hold. I know God's timing is best and that He will place her in our arms at the right time. However, the waiting is difficult. We have completed the paperwork portion of our adoption - praying that we won't have to update it before we travel. Hoping for March - my birthday and hers...

Here are a few photos of the past few weeks.

Thomas (2nd year in a row) and Darth

The Guys

Trip to Auburn

War Eagle!

Girl's Trip Up LeConte

The Kitchen Prayer

A friend of mine sent this to me and I have a print of it, taped above my kitchen sink. It's perfect for me...

Lord of all pots and pans and things,

Since I've no time to be
A saint by doing lovely things or
Watching late with thee,
Or dreaming in the twilight or
Storming heaven's gates.
Make me a saint by getting meals or
Washing up the plates.

Although I must have Martha's hands,
I have Mary's mind, and,
When I black the boots and shoes
Thy sandals, Lord, I find.
I think of how they trod the earth
What time I scrub the floor,
Accept this meditation, Lord,
I haven't time for more.

Warm all the kitchen with thy love,
And light it with thy peace,
Forgive me all my worrying
And make all grumbling cease.
Thou who didst love to give men food
In room or by the sea
Accept this service that I do
I do it unto thee.

-Klara Munkres

Summer is officially ending...

As I sit outside on the back porch watching Christopher - it really feels like Fall. It's cloudy and cooler and there is a gentle breeze. I set up the Aubie blow-up and our AU sign. I am daydreaming of a chai latte from Starbucks. We will see Auburn play the first game of the season on Saturday and I think it's gonna be a blast.

We are *this* close to getting the final copy of our homestudy. Then it's dossier time and I am SO glad that preschool starts next week, so that I will have 12 hours a week to focus on that task. I want to knock it out quickly, since our homestudy took longer than average.

I signed up to do the Reece's Rainbow table at the upcoming Buddy Walk in October - NEXT YEAR WE WILL HAVE OUR LITTLE GIRL WALKING WITH US! This fills my heart with JOY!

We have started a little shop on FB to raise some $$ to go towards the cost of travel. If you would like to be invited to the shop, let me know... aukatie AT aol

Neglected

I know.

Bad blogger.

But, I have excuses! My boys are with me and we are BUSY!

We are hoping to be finished with our home study SOON. Then it's just a matter of months before we travel!!! We are coming sweet little girl! Your big brother asks about you DAILY!

New Blog, New Giveaway!

http://heavenslittlerose.blogspot.com/

Miracles Happen

Mother's Day started off just about like many of my past (since having children). I woke, made my coffee, did the dishes and got myself out the door - with Christopher, of course - to go and visit my momma and wish her a happy Mother's Day. We had a great walk/run together and thanked God for the two children that made me a mommy. After some time, Christopher and I made our way home, after a stop by the grocery for some breakfast. We arrived home to daddy and Paul Vincent up and getting things ready for lunch at Paul's parents house. My kitchen table had one beautiful, pink rose with a sprig of baby's breath and two cards... One from my boys and one from Paul. I sat down to indulge in my grits, eggs, bacon and biscuit and open the cards. I opened the boy's card, then Paul's. When I opened Paul's card, there was a small piece of paper, folded and taped closed. And I knew.... I slowly opened the card and started reading. Paul had written a letter. A letter to the Colombian government. A letter that stated our official request to adopt Rose! What?!?! I was shocked, but oh so happy. My prayers had been answered. Paul's heart had been changed by God! He sat down with me and told me the story of God's work in his life since the day he had first 'met' Rose. One day in April, a friend of mine mentioned the newly listed children on the Reece's Rainbow site. I couldn't help but go and look at all those sweet babies. As I scrolled down the page, I came across HER face. The face of my daughter! I kept myself calm. Later that evening, I went out on a date with my husband (Nabeel's to my local readers). I gathered up my confidence and opened up the web site to show Paul... Whaling for the reaction that I have grown used to. Instead, I was shocked to see a small smile and a twinkle in his eye. I witnessed a light that had I had not seen in my husband. After dinner, we went to see October Baby at the theater - a movie about adoption! It was a sweet movie and the perfect way of gently opening the door. *By the way, that night Paul wrote the check to pay our baby-sitter. We agreed to also include money as her upcoming wedding gift. Paul wrote a VERY generous check! I think he was a little under the influence of God's bolt of lightning! Ha! In the next few weeks, we would reference Rose often and I am sure I brought her up at least once a day. I had an overwhelming sence of peace come over me after a week or so and I know that God had calmed my heart, so that He could work violently on Paul's. And I had NO IDEA! So that leads us back to Mother's Day... Paul's uncle mentioned something about needing more girls in our family and Paul took the bait! He quietly, but confidently, said something like, "I think we can do something about that." and someone looked over at me and said, "Is Paul making some sort of announcement?" Ha! He proceeded to introduce our daughter to his family. What a MAN! I was (still) in shock! I told everyone how beautiful my morning had been and all that Paul had done to make my Mother's Day the best one EVER! Monday was a mad dash of the beginning of a mountain of paperwork. We filled out form after form to apply for home study services and applications for different agencies... And then the wait began. We had to wait for the "ok" from Colombia... We needed to know that they would hold her for us, so that we could get our home study ready. So, after a week of waiting, I couldn't wait any longer! I sent an email to her listing agency asking if they had heard from Colombia. And just a few minutes later, I received confirmation that they had Rose on hold for our family!!! And, just to make it a little more interesting it was EXACTLY a month since I requested your prayers for us (April 18th). I was also wearing my Reece's Rainbow 'Why should you adopt?' t-shirt! Ha! What a wonderful life! I have a daughter! My son's have a sister! God is good. Let's get this DONE!

Adoption?

Why should you consider orphan adoption

Prayers

**photo removed for privacy issues**

There is a little girl in Latin America. They call her 'Rose'. She lives with a family, but has no mother or father. She goes to preschool. She has had heart surgery, but is healthy. She has an extra chromosome. 

She is beautiful.

Look at her smile! Her precious face! Her hair! Her eyes! I can almost hear her little giggle. I want to bring her home. Please pray for our family as we discern God's will in this matter. Pray for God to show us His path in our lives and in the lives of our boys. Pray that God will calm fears and uncertainty. Pray that He will lift this 'need' from my heart if it is not His will. 

Thank you.

Saturday Soccer

Paul Vincent had the best game of soccer today. It was so much fun to watch! His coach even looked over at us and said, "he should turn 6 more often!". It was awesome - I think he scored 3 times. 

Speaking of turning 6... My baby had a fantastic birthday. Everyone had fun. We started with a visit from Neil, the ice cream man, at school. All the kindergarten kids and teachers got to choose their favorite. It was so cute! The teachers were as excited as the kids! Next stop was iJump. We met family and friends to bounce and play.

Moving Mountains

Our God is AWESOME! I just wanted to give a little shout out to God this morning. He is working to move mountains in my life... I am amazed.

Photos

Just an FYI - I added some photos to old posts...

The Hunger Games

I'll make this short... What!?! I just finished the final book. The epilogue was as if someone replaced the author! The whole series had one certain tone. Then BAM. The epilogue sounds like a totally different book. I mean, happily ever after!?! Odd. Overall rating? Great series. Totally recommend. Awesome. Just be prepared.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter! It's a simply gorgeous day here. The sky is crystal clear. The birds are sweetly singing. However, one of my babies woke up very sick this morning. Paul Vincent has the yummy bug. Poor kid - holidays are such a fun day for him - and he is feeling terrible and he knows that he won't be able to play with his cousins. We will be quarantined for the next day or two. Good thing that he is out of school for Easter Monday. Right now, he and his daddy are sleeping on the bathroom floor. Prayers for my sweet boy to feel better soon and that my little guy don't get it, too!

Good Friday

Paul and I managed to go to Holy Thursday mass last night, thanks to his mama. A very wild storm passed through just a few minutes before mass began - and left a fantastic rainbow stretching across the sky. From the vestibule of the church, we could look and see its awesome colors and it was as if God was welcoming us to the last supper himself... Reminding us that although his son will die, he will come again! We will not be left alone! I needed to be reminded of this. After mass, we went to adoration. I prayed quietly and has a chat with God about my Natalia. I would be about through the first trimester. I miss her still. I told Paul - I know that she is in the perfect place. I understand that. But, how can I not think of her? Remember her? Imagine her? I have SO much to be thankful for, but I really am sorry that I won't be able to see her sweet face and introduce her to her brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins! So I recall the rainbow - God's symbol of his love for us. Today is a GOOD day. Jesus will die, but it is not the end! We will be saved!

What's Up

We have entered the months of craziness in our home. It's kinda like Spring Break is the starting line in a race around here... Easter is at our house Saturday night. We are hosting a brunch. Easter Eve Brunch. So, those of you with a tiny tornado spinning constantly in your home, much like my Christopher, will understand that housekeeping is a little like an Olympic sport. I vacuum, he spills food - or spits food - on my floor. I pick up clothes, he decides to have an underwear fashion show in his room, spreading tiny underRoos all about. I make a bed, he disappears under the sheets. So on and so on. Paul Vincent's birthday is the 13th. This year, I have decided that this celebration will take place at iJump - NOT my home. Good play, Katie. It will be an Angry Birds celebration - complete with decor and balloons. I have decided to make his cake. I will post a pic when I am done. I am using one of the 'board games' for our cake topper. Much cheaper than teeny tiny handmade cake toppers. The month of May brings Mother's Day, Uncle Kit's Birthday, Graduations (Paul Vincent from 5K and cousin Laura from High School) and Christopher's 3rd Birthday! And then SUMMER! Eeek! Here we go!

Meet my new friend

Carissa She's a tiny little love, in need of a mommy and a daddy to kiss and hug her. I am going to be her advocate. I would love your help. Spread the word about her - and if you can, donate to her adoption fund.

UPDATE!!!
She has a FAMILY!!! If you donate now, you will be helping her family bring her HOME!

Monday

Oh Monday. You always show up and usually come with some form of disappointment. My Monday showed up with a side of negative pregnancy test and a sudden urge for a piña colada.I think I will give in to that urge in a few hours. Jimmy, why did you write that song? Come Monday, It will Be Alright !?!? Honestly?

Beach

I love the beach. I feel at home when I can see the waves crashing and the seagulls flying by. The warm sea air and the tropical blooms make me want to plant something. We couldn't resist the urge to purchase something tropical yesterday - a beautiful hibiscus. Pink - vivid pink. Monday we will choose a pot. Ah, dirt.

Yesterday we introduced Christopher to the fantasy world of old-school goofy golf. He was 'scay-yad' to begin with, but then he was tossing that gold ball from green to green. Who knew you could throw the ball, instead of hitting it? The thinks you learn from a two-year-old.

Goofy Golf 

Scay-ed of the Dino 

Fantastic Weather

By the way, I got wacked by my Paul Vincent as he was swinging through on the 11th whole. Ouch.

Juice

So, I watched a documentary the other day. I guess this whole getting older thing is really getting to me, so I feel a bit inspired to be healthier. Netflix suggested I watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. This totally average looking guy from Australia went on a trip across the US, juicing. He wanted to get healthy and not rely on all the meds he was taking, so he went on a fast - a fruit and veggie juice fast. This guy went from flab to fantastic in maybe two months. Man! His skin looked fabulous in a matter of days after starting the fast.

I have no desire to weigh less at this time, but with many health issues, I feel that increasing my micronutrient level could help make my endocrine system function better.

Plus, WE OWN THE JUICER! Ha!

I went to Sam's for a grocery run yesterday and stocked the garage fridge with fruits and veggies. When I get the hang of it, I will get to Wholefoods for the organic versions. I made a carrot/cucumber juice yesterday and I am thinking about trying the juice all day, eat a regular dinner with the family. My only 'cheat' will be my morning coffee and my hot tea during the day - I am sure the antioxidants found in the tea count for something, right?

Another idea I gleamed from the documentary was reducing my consumption of animal products to twice a week. I am going to try a bit of this - without cutting out milk products. I think I need some dairy.

We will see how long this lasts. I figure Lent is an excellent time to start!

March?!

So, it's March. I can't believe it. The past few weeks have been so interesting. I feel as if I am in some type of out-of-body experience. I have been feeling better... I can tell that I have more energy and I am able to let things go a little easier than in the past. I am fighting anxiety as much as possible and trying to say YES more than no. Lent is proving to be a time of growth. I started listening to more EWTN during the mornings and taking the time to read my Magnificat. With the iPhone app, it's kinda lazy not to! I am so in love with my life at the moment. I get tired, but it's good. I walked with mom today for nearly 2 hours. I should be tired! Ha! Last weekend, Paula nd I went on a trip with the kids to Ft Lauderdale. We have been before, but this trip was different. We had fun. We dressed up. We looked nice. We spent time together. I spent time simply enjoying the moment - whatever it was. I live in a bit of a fantasy land (that I have had a hard time enjoying), and for the first time I had a really good time. It's terrible how health issues can cloud your mind. I have spent too much time in a fog. Clarity is much more fun. So, back to our trip. We flew down on Thursday afternoon. The boys did great. Christopher exclaimed, "We're flying!" as we took off from Birmingham. We arrived to find two very happy grandparents. The boys were equally excited. Friday evening, Paul and I dressed up super cute and drove to Boca Raton - yes, Boca! Ha! We arrived to a party that took place at the airport. In the actual airplane hangers! What?!? There were what seamed like thousands of people - all types. Even plastic! Ha! I felt like a little girl from Alabama. I was definitely out of my element, but it was still fun. Saturday evening was another eye-opening experience. It was 'black tie optional' and I really had not prepared to go... But I made do with a super cute top and black pants. I wasn't really dressy enough, but I looked better than most of the super glitzy fake body old ladies! ;) First there was a silent auction where all types of things were offered - artwork, vacations, clothing, books, etc. Paul and I tried a few offers, but by the time it was over, the room was too packed to check on our bids! We then went into the dining room where what looked like 100 tables for ten people each were set. We found our table (8) was in a perfect spot, the back left corner of the room. Ah, my comfort zone! An artist did these really incredible speed paintings that were also auctioned off - proceeds going to the local Boy and Girl's Club. While we ate, he painted three different giant pieces...a portrait of Sean Connery (from 007), a martini glass and a Shelby Cobra. Other items were also bid on during the live auction, but most all other things were WAY out of our realm of possibilities. The good news is, that Paul made some new friends in the car world. Connections are valuable in any line of business - especially his. Sunday morning, bright and early, we were on our way to the Concourse de Elegance. Paul's car was being delivered and we were meeting the truck driver there at 8am. Beautiful cars were everywhere. It was a blast. After a while, the boys arrived with their Grandparents. Paul did a fantastic car and all of the car people were thrilled to see such a rare item. When I woke Monday, I knew that I would miss watching the boats go by on the canal. I sat and enjoyed my coffee and tried to gather sun rays before traveling back to land-locked Birmingham.

Loaded Lent

I am loading up on the giving up and new activities for our 40 days. I have deactivated - yes, deactivated - my Facebook account(s). That's a little scary, but good old Facebooks says it will be waiting when I am ready to come back. Ha. I am also going to step away from any other chat boards and stick with blogging and pinterest - because it helps me to keep my creative juices flowing. This will probably be a good time to take photos. These babies are growing so fast! It's time to document. We'll have a few adventures to share in the next few weeks, so it should be fun to follow us along for the ride. Here we go....!

Another Month

As the calendar changes day by day, I look back and see how God has given me strength. And help. Christopher is such a sweet gift to me. As wild and crazy as he can be, he can also be so loving and sweet. He has really been just what I have needed the past few weeks. He entered the 'mommy' phase. He has made me feel loved like no other person in the world. I thank him for that. He has wanted to be attached to me whenever I am in his sight. He follows me as I do my housework, much like a shadow.

I am feeling better. I started synthroid after finding out that I have a TSH issue. I think that I really needed it - I am not as tired and run down as I have been in the past.

This Wednesday will be Ash Wednesday. A time for prayers and reflection - quiet and peace. I am so ready. Lent usually means giving something up... For me, Facebook has been the item of choice the past few years. I will probably do the same this year. I have started running/jogging/walking and I am going to incorporate that into my Lenten 'sacrifice'. Maybe give one hour of exercise a day, for the unborn babies. Time spent in prayer for them and for their mothers.

Perhaps I will set my clock a little earlier, so that I can spend time blogging my thoughts. I see this as a way to share with God and with you guys out there.

Almost a month

It's so odd. I keep thinking... today I would be about 8 weeks. And probably very sick. Lots of mixed feelings. Missing my Natalia. Enjoying my boys.

It was the best of times, It was the worst of times....

So much to say...

Christmas was truly magical this year. The boys are so precious. Watching them during the days leading up to Christmas was such a blessing. The Advent programs at school were so special. I will always remember those days with fond memories. We even took a special trip to the Opryland Hotel, in Nashville, just for a night. We wanted to do something fun with our boys - a spur of the moment memory made. Paul and I loved just being with them. We talked about how God has given us such wonderful gifts in these two souls.

Just as the festivities had come to an end (and as the Christmas season had begun) we asked each other how we would could continue to celebrate the miracle of Christ's birth with our boys. I woke on the morning of the 26th to the ultimate question... Where is my period? (Sorry for the information, but oh well.) I have a great stock of tests, so I took one - or two. And there they were, those lovely pink lines. Shaking all over, I walked to Paul to show him and make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

We were pregnant. We were the parents of THREE children. We were so excited, and nervous. Pregnancy is a difficult journey for the two of us. Our babies are miracles...

We were told (Spring 2005) that we should NOT have children, due to an uterine anomaly I was thought to have. We quickly jumped into the life of adoption paperwork. Surprisingly, we completed all paperwork in a relatively short amount of time. I spent my days searching for private adoption opportunities, while also talking with an agency. Our only road block was the amount of time we had been married (less than the often required 5 years). I did find a teen that told us that she would consider us as the parents of her baby girl. I was thrilled! We emailed daily and my mother even wrote to her. For a few weeks I was lead to believe that I might be this child's mother. Unfortunatly, we found out that this girl was just lying to us. There was no baby, I would not be her mother.

God was there through that moment of sadness and tears and he had a spectacular plan in store for us.

On September 7, 2005, we found out that we were pregnant! I didn't even have a doctor! I had given this part of my life to God, not really having any expectations for biological children. So, we had a wonderful unexpected journey of pregnancy until our wonderful son, Paul Vincent, was born on Holy Thursday, 2006. He was one month early - tiny, but perfect. 4 pounds, 7 ounces, 17 inches. What a gift.

Just over two years later, in God's perfect timing, we conceived again! In November 2008, we found out about what would be our beautiful son, Christopher Matthew. After many months of complications and scares, he was born - another child, perfect and tiny! Just 3 pounds, 2 ounces and 14 inches. We were truly in awe of God's gifts for us. The road was rocky and frightening at times, but who could have even imagined what God would have planned! Perfect.

I have had surgeries, procedures and several diagnosis (correct and incorrect).

...so back to December 26, 2011.

In awe of God's timing. A son in 2006, a son in 2009, and now a baby that would come in 2012. We were blessed. We spent the day in quiet excitement. A family of five. I could tell my body was changing moment to moment. Nervous excitement filled me. After a day a playing with new toys and spending time together, we went out to eat - our first meal as a family of 5. What a sweet time.

After dinner, I recall an instant. I had a strange feeling, some type of lightning strike. I dismissed it at the time, yet now I know what it was. After finally getting in touch with the doctor's office, I went to have my bloodwork done - to check my progesterone and pregnancy hormone level. I anxiously waited until the nurse called on Wednesday with the results. As we got into the car to take the boys to church to announce the news to them in the chapel, my phone rang. I answered, happy to finally hear from the doctor's office. But, as she spoke, I could tell the nervousness in her voice. Barely pregnant. Very low beta number...27, I think. Extremely low progesterone. Three. Three!?! What type of number is that?! They want it to be above 10, but closer to 15. And I was at 3. I immediately went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription of prometrium in hope of it making a difference. But, in my heart, I knew. I took my first pill, praying for it to help. But, I knew. We told the boys to pray for the baby in mommy's tummy. Pray for a healthy baby. But, I knew. We went to Paul's parents house to announce the pregnancy, complete with sweet announcement and the boys in cute t-shirts. But, I knew.

Thursday morning, the 29th, I woke up and took another test. I knew what it would say, in my heart. And I was correct - no lines. The digital test proclaimed, NOT PREGNANT. I was broken hearted. I went to Paul and let him know 'she' was gone.

The night of the 26th her soul left my body. I felt it in an instant. The lightning bolt of God taking her into his arms. No pain, no suffering, no booboos, no tears. Just a trip straight into His loving arms. What a gift.

I named her Natalia. We had lovingly called her our 'Buon Natale'. Our Merry Christmas. A gift to make us aware of our third child, created in His image and likeness, destined to be in Heaven, as a saint. She will forever be with us, praying for us and loving us. As we will love her.

Her physical body left me late in the night of the 30th of December. I quietly reflected on her short life and thanked God again for the gift of her and for letting us know that she was there. What a gift.

We will plant a fig tree in her honor. We will remember her each summer when the tree produces its fruit. Sweet memories of a sweet moment.

We love you baby girl. We will see you when we get there. Pray for us.

Thank you for your love and your prayers. They are appreciated,

Paul, Katie, Paul Vincent and Christopher