It was the best of times, It was the worst of times....

So much to say...

Christmas was truly magical this year. The boys are so precious. Watching them during the days leading up to Christmas was such a blessing. The Advent programs at school were so special. I will always remember those days with fond memories. We even took a special trip to the Opryland Hotel, in Nashville, just for a night. We wanted to do something fun with our boys - a spur of the moment memory made. Paul and I loved just being with them. We talked about how God has given us such wonderful gifts in these two souls.

Just as the festivities had come to an end (and as the Christmas season had begun) we asked each other how we would could continue to celebrate the miracle of Christ's birth with our boys. I woke on the morning of the 26th to the ultimate question... Where is my period? (Sorry for the information, but oh well.) I have a great stock of tests, so I took one - or two. And there they were, those lovely pink lines. Shaking all over, I walked to Paul to show him and make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

We were pregnant. We were the parents of THREE children. We were so excited, and nervous. Pregnancy is a difficult journey for the two of us. Our babies are miracles...

We were told (Spring 2005) that we should NOT have children, due to an uterine anomaly I was thought to have. We quickly jumped into the life of adoption paperwork. Surprisingly, we completed all paperwork in a relatively short amount of time. I spent my days searching for private adoption opportunities, while also talking with an agency. Our only road block was the amount of time we had been married (less than the often required 5 years). I did find a teen that told us that she would consider us as the parents of her baby girl. I was thrilled! We emailed daily and my mother even wrote to her. For a few weeks I was lead to believe that I might be this child's mother. Unfortunatly, we found out that this girl was just lying to us. There was no baby, I would not be her mother.

God was there through that moment of sadness and tears and he had a spectacular plan in store for us.

On September 7, 2005, we found out that we were pregnant! I didn't even have a doctor! I had given this part of my life to God, not really having any expectations for biological children. So, we had a wonderful unexpected journey of pregnancy until our wonderful son, Paul Vincent, was born on Holy Thursday, 2006. He was one month early - tiny, but perfect. 4 pounds, 7 ounces, 17 inches. What a gift.

Just over two years later, in God's perfect timing, we conceived again! In November 2008, we found out about what would be our beautiful son, Christopher Matthew. After many months of complications and scares, he was born - another child, perfect and tiny! Just 3 pounds, 2 ounces and 14 inches. We were truly in awe of God's gifts for us. The road was rocky and frightening at times, but who could have even imagined what God would have planned! Perfect.

I have had surgeries, procedures and several diagnosis (correct and incorrect).

...so back to December 26, 2011.

In awe of God's timing. A son in 2006, a son in 2009, and now a baby that would come in 2012. We were blessed. We spent the day in quiet excitement. A family of five. I could tell my body was changing moment to moment. Nervous excitement filled me. After a day a playing with new toys and spending time together, we went out to eat - our first meal as a family of 5. What a sweet time.

After dinner, I recall an instant. I had a strange feeling, some type of lightning strike. I dismissed it at the time, yet now I know what it was. After finally getting in touch with the doctor's office, I went to have my bloodwork done - to check my progesterone and pregnancy hormone level. I anxiously waited until the nurse called on Wednesday with the results. As we got into the car to take the boys to church to announce the news to them in the chapel, my phone rang. I answered, happy to finally hear from the doctor's office. But, as she spoke, I could tell the nervousness in her voice. Barely pregnant. Very low beta number...27, I think. Extremely low progesterone. Three. Three!?! What type of number is that?! They want it to be above 10, but closer to 15. And I was at 3. I immediately went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription of prometrium in hope of it making a difference. But, in my heart, I knew. I took my first pill, praying for it to help. But, I knew. We told the boys to pray for the baby in mommy's tummy. Pray for a healthy baby. But, I knew. We went to Paul's parents house to announce the pregnancy, complete with sweet announcement and the boys in cute t-shirts. But, I knew.

Thursday morning, the 29th, I woke up and took another test. I knew what it would say, in my heart. And I was correct - no lines. The digital test proclaimed, NOT PREGNANT. I was broken hearted. I went to Paul and let him know 'she' was gone.

The night of the 26th her soul left my body. I felt it in an instant. The lightning bolt of God taking her into his arms. No pain, no suffering, no booboos, no tears. Just a trip straight into His loving arms. What a gift.

I named her Natalia. We had lovingly called her our 'Buon Natale'. Our Merry Christmas. A gift to make us aware of our third child, created in His image and likeness, destined to be in Heaven, as a saint. She will forever be with us, praying for us and loving us. As we will love her.

Her physical body left me late in the night of the 30th of December. I quietly reflected on her short life and thanked God again for the gift of her and for letting us know that she was there. What a gift.

We will plant a fig tree in her honor. We will remember her each summer when the tree produces its fruit. Sweet memories of a sweet moment.

We love you baby girl. We will see you when we get there. Pray for us.

Thank you for your love and your prayers. They are appreciated,

Paul, Katie, Paul Vincent and Christopher